Larry Lilly's Journal Strong Fathers Develop Strong Men! Vol. 17 Issue 6 Larry Lilly
The other day I was at the local airport and noticed a man taking several children for a ride in a Piper Aztec, a very beautiful version of the model. I discovered the owner of the plane was here to attend the funeral of a dear friend’s son. The son had been killed in a tragic freight train, large farm equipment accident. I soon realized I was speaking with the father in law of the man who lost his life.
The father in law, mother in law and another lady were very nice. I noticed they were adamant that the children would have a strong male involvement in their young life. Knowing of the family I have every reason to believe they are correct.
No one can take Daddy’s place, but men can and should step up, and provide a strong male example for children that are left fatherless. This is true in any time, but doubly true in our age.
The articles written about absentee fathers would fill the ancient pyramids of Egypt. Most of them are on target with the charge that Dad’s empty chair is the largest factor in our nations soaring crime rate in addition to the missing male leaving a vacuum in the life of the children left behind.
The time in which we are living calls, sounds a warning trumpet, beats the drum, use whatever term you like, but men have a clarion call to step up and make a difference through caringly demonstrating what a real man looks, acts and talks like.
This is the thought given to men by God via Moses in Deuteronomy 6:7-8;
"You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.
8 "You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.”
You will note that this takes time! Children need to be included in Dad’s time plan. Modern students of the family have learned that there is no such thing as quality time. Your child understands, simply, you are there or you are not! This does not mean that you and your child are chained together for 24 hours a day. It does mean that even things you consider trivial may mean the world to your offspring.
Over the last one hundred years, with speedy emphasis on the last fifty, Fathers, by and large, even well intentioned ones, have emotionally abandoned the kids to the school system, the Scouts, the little league and God knows what else. While these are good, some more than others, remember: No one can take Dad’s place.
The curriculum is predetermined by God and the material majors on the spiritual side of life. Dads are to take a private and public stance for things of the spiritual realm. Years ago, while attending a conference I heard Dr. Clyde Narramore state: “Your children must see you on your knees praying as you confidently face the varied difficulties of life.”
Taking the responsibility to follow Deut. 6:7-8 seriously provides a natural mode of involving the children in your life, you in theirs and “bonding” is the result. Bonding is that invisible something that produces a visible result of mutual respect, understanding and ability to be of help to each other in the difficult times life throws our way. Note over time, the two-way street, brings about what is mentioned by Paul in his epistle to the church at Ephesus:
"Honor your father and mother," which is the first commandment with promise: Ephesians 6:2. (NKJV).
Here’s Strong’s take on Honor. {G5091 timao (14)
timao tim-ah'-o from 5093; to prize, i.e. fix a valuation upon; by implication, to revere:--honour, value.} It should go without saying that if we have not had Time, the root of timao, for the children, it is very likely they will return in kind to us.
The promise the commandment speaks to is that simple quality family relationships reduce stress and this contributes to a longer, more enjoyable life than one that’s filled with strife.
A father bemoaned the fact that he was a Don Rickles dad saying; “I don’t get any respect.” Don Rickles made a fortune with such statements, but in the family setting they are poison. Father’s must learn that respect trickles down.
Try this statement on for size:
“Being brilliant is no great feat if you respect nothing.” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.
The old German hit the nail on the head. If we demand respect we are wasting time and effort. Respect is earned and when dealing with children it is one of life’s greatest challenges. When children are not respected, they soon get the idea that respect is not to be given to anyone. They may pretend to respect the “power” over them, but in time it becomes obvious that true respect is not in their mind or heart. Many powerful men and women learn at some point that the people over whom they have some form of power do not respect or even like them.
Father’s can learn to respect their children in the same manner that God loves us through Christ.
“Nothing is more despicable than respect based on fear. “Albert Camus.
The father in law, mother in law and another lady were very nice. I noticed they were adamant that the children would have a strong male involvement in their young life. Knowing of the family I have every reason to believe they are correct.
No one can take Daddy’s place, but men can and should step up, and provide a strong male example for children that are left fatherless. This is true in any time, but doubly true in our age.
The articles written about absentee fathers would fill the ancient pyramids of Egypt. Most of them are on target with the charge that Dad’s empty chair is the largest factor in our nations soaring crime rate in addition to the missing male leaving a vacuum in the life of the children left behind.
The time in which we are living calls, sounds a warning trumpet, beats the drum, use whatever term you like, but men have a clarion call to step up and make a difference through caringly demonstrating what a real man looks, acts and talks like.
This is the thought given to men by God via Moses in Deuteronomy 6:7-8;
"You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.
8 "You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes.”
You will note that this takes time! Children need to be included in Dad’s time plan. Modern students of the family have learned that there is no such thing as quality time. Your child understands, simply, you are there or you are not! This does not mean that you and your child are chained together for 24 hours a day. It does mean that even things you consider trivial may mean the world to your offspring.
Over the last one hundred years, with speedy emphasis on the last fifty, Fathers, by and large, even well intentioned ones, have emotionally abandoned the kids to the school system, the Scouts, the little league and God knows what else. While these are good, some more than others, remember: No one can take Dad’s place.
The curriculum is predetermined by God and the material majors on the spiritual side of life. Dads are to take a private and public stance for things of the spiritual realm. Years ago, while attending a conference I heard Dr. Clyde Narramore state: “Your children must see you on your knees praying as you confidently face the varied difficulties of life.”
Taking the responsibility to follow Deut. 6:7-8 seriously provides a natural mode of involving the children in your life, you in theirs and “bonding” is the result. Bonding is that invisible something that produces a visible result of mutual respect, understanding and ability to be of help to each other in the difficult times life throws our way. Note over time, the two-way street, brings about what is mentioned by Paul in his epistle to the church at Ephesus:
"Honor your father and mother," which is the first commandment with promise: Ephesians 6:2. (NKJV).
Here’s Strong’s take on Honor. {G5091 timao (14)
timao tim-ah'-o from 5093; to prize, i.e. fix a valuation upon; by implication, to revere:--honour, value.} It should go without saying that if we have not had Time, the root of timao, for the children, it is very likely they will return in kind to us.
The promise the commandment speaks to is that simple quality family relationships reduce stress and this contributes to a longer, more enjoyable life than one that’s filled with strife.
A father bemoaned the fact that he was a Don Rickles dad saying; “I don’t get any respect.” Don Rickles made a fortune with such statements, but in the family setting they are poison. Father’s must learn that respect trickles down.
Try this statement on for size:
“Being brilliant is no great feat if you respect nothing.” Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.
The old German hit the nail on the head. If we demand respect we are wasting time and effort. Respect is earned and when dealing with children it is one of life’s greatest challenges. When children are not respected, they soon get the idea that respect is not to be given to anyone. They may pretend to respect the “power” over them, but in time it becomes obvious that true respect is not in their mind or heart. Many powerful men and women learn at some point that the people over whom they have some form of power do not respect or even like them.
Father’s can learn to respect their children in the same manner that God loves us through Christ.
“Nothing is more despicable than respect based on fear. “Albert Camus.
Letters and Comments
Pastor Larry,
I had to go to a prison across the state for a medical procedure. I got to ride the bus and we had an infamous person riding to the same facility. I won’t mention his name, but he became famous at Penn State and not for playing football.
I was able to pray for some of the men before/after their surgery. A few refused my offer of prayer, so I prayed for someone else!
I didn’t have first class traveling accommodations, but if you take off the handcuffs and leg Irons, it was a pretty good trip. At least the bus was not owned by United!
Thanks for being a blessing! C.W.
Editor’s Note: C.W. demonstrates a coping tool that many forget. Laughing at the trivialities of life takes away the humiliating power of the triviality. Two men may be traveling, one wearing a stylish Brook’s Brothers suit with a Rolex watch. The other clothed in prison garb with not so stylish jewelry draped around his hands and ankles. The prisoner may have more peace with Christ than does the one in the neat suit. LML
***
I had to go to a prison across the state for a medical procedure. I got to ride the bus and we had an infamous person riding to the same facility. I won’t mention his name, but he became famous at Penn State and not for playing football.
I was able to pray for some of the men before/after their surgery. A few refused my offer of prayer, so I prayed for someone else!
I didn’t have first class traveling accommodations, but if you take off the handcuffs and leg Irons, it was a pretty good trip. At least the bus was not owned by United!
Thanks for being a blessing! C.W.
Editor’s Note: C.W. demonstrates a coping tool that many forget. Laughing at the trivialities of life takes away the humiliating power of the triviality. Two men may be traveling, one wearing a stylish Brook’s Brothers suit with a Rolex watch. The other clothed in prison garb with not so stylish jewelry draped around his hands and ankles. The prisoner may have more peace with Christ than does the one in the neat suit. LML
***
D-Day Thought
Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris, France by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on.
“You have to been to France before, Monsieur?” the customs officer asked sarcastically. Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.
The Customs officer stated,
“Then you should know enough to have your passport ready!”
Mr. Whiting said, “The last time I was here, I didn’t have to show it.”
“Impossible…Americans always have to show their passports on arrival in France!”
Mr. Whiting gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained: “Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn’t find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to.”
You could have heard a pin drop.
***
“A Christian will find it cheaper to forgive than to resent. Forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, and waste of spirits.” Hannah More. From my book, Outrageous Forgiveness in 30 Days.
Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris, France by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on.
“You have to been to France before, Monsieur?” the customs officer asked sarcastically. Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.
The Customs officer stated,
“Then you should know enough to have your passport ready!”
Mr. Whiting said, “The last time I was here, I didn’t have to show it.”
“Impossible…Americans always have to show their passports on arrival in France!”
Mr. Whiting gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained: “Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn’t find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to.”
You could have heard a pin drop.
***
“A Christian will find it cheaper to forgive than to resent. Forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, and waste of spirits.” Hannah More. From my book, Outrageous Forgiveness in 30 Days.
The Book Worm's Corner. Comments From Helpful Books.
Tales From My Back Porch. Darrell Case, Leaning Tree Christian Publishers, P.O. Box 6124 Terre Haute, IN 47802. 10 Chapters, 165 pages. $9.95.
Darrell has hit a grand slam with this book. Ten stories that will keep you turning pages with one hand and a hanky in the other. I did not want to lay it down.
Chapter One, The Best Day, brought back many memories of Larry and I’s honeymoon trip. This chapter should be required reading for any couple who that is facing a cooling off in their marriage. Each chapter is a page turner.
The third chapter, Reverend Dillard’s Dilemma, is a moving tale that could be the biography of any preacher in a small church, especially if he had experienced great success in a former pastorate. Larry said, “Darrell needs to put this chapter into a pamphlet for every pastor of a small church to read.” I agree, this chapter is one of the most inspiring stories of coping that I have read.
Jeff Dillard learned that God loved him, despite the lack of unction on display at Wayside Baptist. That God loves us despite appearance is a lesson worth learning at the heart level. Tales From My Back Porch is on sale this month! GET IT. JDL.
Editor's Note: Joyce is not over stating the power in this book. It's the best from the experienced pen Darrell uses to let the gift of God given to him spring forth blessings for all who will read Tales From My Back Porch. Darrell has a book signing scheduled for June 10th from 11:00 AM to 1:00 PM at the Open Door Christian Book Store at Honey Creek here in Terre Haute. Check this link for another gripping review of this book. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ukWQq5ak8s&feature=youtu.be
Darrell has hit a grand slam with this book. Ten stories that will keep you turning pages with one hand and a hanky in the other. I did not want to lay it down.
Chapter One, The Best Day, brought back many memories of Larry and I’s honeymoon trip. This chapter should be required reading for any couple who that is facing a cooling off in their marriage. Each chapter is a page turner.
The third chapter, Reverend Dillard’s Dilemma, is a moving tale that could be the biography of any preacher in a small church, especially if he had experienced great success in a former pastorate. Larry said, “Darrell needs to put this chapter into a pamphlet for every pastor of a small church to read.” I agree, this chapter is one of the most inspiring stories of coping that I have read.
Jeff Dillard learned that God loved him, despite the lack of unction on display at Wayside Baptist. That God loves us despite appearance is a lesson worth learning at the heart level. Tales From My Back Porch is on sale this month! GET IT. JDL.
Editor's Note: Joyce is not over stating the power in this book. It's the best from the experienced pen Darrell uses to let the gift of God given to him spring forth blessings for all who will read Tales From My Back Porch. Darrell has a book signing scheduled for June 10th from 11:00 AM to 1:00 PM at the Open Door Christian Book Store at Honey Creek here in Terre Haute. Check this link for another gripping review of this book. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ukWQq5ak8s&feature=youtu.be
When the Torch is Passed Dale Byers
Dale Byers
The Torch Sent to the Journal by Dale Byers.
Is there a magic cut off period when offspring become accountable for their own
actions? Is there a wonderful moment when parents can become detached spectators in the lives of their children and shrug, "It's their life," and feel nothing?
When I was in my twenties, I stood in a hospital corridor waiting for doctors to put a few stitches in my son's head. I asked, "When do you stop worrying?" The nurse said, "When they get out of the accident stage." My mother just smiled faintly and said nothing.
When I was in my thirties, I sat on a little chair in a classroom and heard how one of my children talked incessantly, disrupted the class, and was headed for a career making license plates. As if to read my mind, a teacher said, "Don't worry, they all go through this stage and then you can sit back, relax and enjoy them." My mother just smiled faintly and said nothing.
When I was in my forties, I spent a lifetime waiting for the phone to ring, the cars to come home, the front door to open. A friend said, "They're trying to find themselves. Don't worry, in a few years, you can stop worrying. They'll be adults." My mother just smiled faintly and said nothing.
By the time I was 50, I was sick & tired of being vulnerable. I was still worrying over my children, but there was a new wrinkle. There was nothing I could do about it. My mother just smiled faintly and said nothing. I continued to anguish over their failures, be tormented by their frustrations and absorbed in their disappointments.
My friends said that when my kids got married, I could stop worrying and lead my own life. I wanted to believe that, but I was haunted by my mother's warm smile and her occasional, "You look pale." "Are you all right?" "Call me the minute you get home." "Drive carefully!"
Can it be that parents are sentenced to a lifetime of worry? Is concern for one another handed down like a torch to blaze the trail of human frailties and the fears of the unknown? Is concern a curse or is it a virtue that elevates us to the highest form of life?
One of my children became quite irritable recently, saying to me, "Where are you? I've been calling for 3 days, and no one answered. I was worried." I smiled a warm smile. The torch has been passed.
PASS IT ON TO OTHER PARENTS and also to your children. (That's the fun part.) Remember it is not us, it is what we allow him to do thru us.
You can read more of Dales Articles Here: https://dalebyers.wordpress.com/